Monday, July 20, 2015

Vacation

I've been home on vacation for two weeks now and I have one week left. I'm sad. I wish I could stay here. I don't want to go back home to the same bullshit boring ass routine of life. Just sitting at home doing nothing, waiting for my husband to get home from work so I can do nothing with him. I love being home where I have family to laugh with. I've laughed more in the last two weeks then did in the 4 months since I've been here last. I'm miserable back in Florida and it's so boring and lonely. I hate being a stay at home mom. I love my daughter but I just need a break and I get that here. Her Grandparents and Auntie are always willing to watch her so I can go see friends and do things. I don't get to do that in Florida. I don't have friends there and my husband is too tired to go out and do things. Date nights only occur every 4 months or longer because babysitters and dates are expensive. I just feel trapped back in Florida. Like Rapunzel trapped in a tower and it makes me depressed. I sometimes wish my husband would leave the Military so we could come back home. But then I remember it's his dream and all he knows. I wouldn't want him to ask me to give up my dreams...even though I already did when we had a surprise baby. I hate that Ripley has to grow up with no family and in turn I get no help. It really makes me not want anymore kids. Ever. There's so much you miss out on when you decide to start a family. It's hard and I don't think I can go through this doing most of it on my own anymore. 
*sigh* at least I will have school soon to focus on. That's about all I have going for me that is positive. 

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