Monday, July 20, 2015


I've been home on vacation for two weeks now and I have one week left. I'm sad. I wish I could stay here. I don't want to go back home to the same bullshit boring ass routine of life. Just sitting at home doing nothing, waiting for my husband to get home from work so I can do nothing with him. I love being home where I have family to laugh with. I've laughed more in the last two weeks then did in the 4 months since I've been here last. I'm miserable back in Florida and it's so boring and lonely. I hate being a stay at home mom. I love my daughter but I just need a break and I get that here. Her Grandparents and Auntie are always willing to watch her so I can go see friends and do things. I don't get to do that in Florida. I don't have friends there and my husband is too tired to go out and do things. Date nights only occur every 4 months or longer because babysitters and dates are expensive. I just feel trapped back in Florida. Like Rapunzel trapped in a tower and it makes me depressed. I sometimes wish my husband would leave the Military so we could come back home. But then I remember it's his dream and all he knows. I wouldn't want him to ask me to give up my dreams...even though I already did when we had a surprise baby. I hate that Ripley has to grow up with no family and in turn I get no help. It really makes me not want anymore kids. Ever. There's so much you miss out on when you decide to start a family. It's hard and I don't think I can go through this doing most of it on my own anymore. 
*sigh* at least I will have school soon to focus on. That's about all I have going for me that is positive. 

Wednesday, July 15, 2015


I believe I mentioned earlier that I am going back to school this fall. Well let me just say applying and getting registered at the school I chose is a royal pain in the ass. I never get replies back to my e-mails asking for help. My phone calls rarely get returned. I'm on vacation until the end of the month so I can't go in and get it all figured out yet. I start classes in a month and I still don't know what I need to take. Only a select few of my transfer credits actually transferred and that angers me since that's more money I have to get out in loans to retake crap I've already taken and passed with flying colors. I think when I do get back and get a chance to go talk to someone I will ask why they all didn't transfer and see if they can evaluate that again. Wouldn't hurt right? 
I plan on taking all these general classes online so I can still stay home with Ripley and save on childcare. One good thing about the Veterinary Technology Program is it has a set schedule. First semester is Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Second, third, and fourth semesters are Tuesday/Thursday or Monday/Wednesday. I will save a lot on childcare having only two days to worry about. I haven't decided yet if I am going to do just get a Nanny (I have a friend from MN living down here and she does Nanny work and she is our babysitter) or get her in a daycare so she can get around kids and socialized. We are still on the wait list for base childcare and who knows how long it will take to get an opening there. All I know is that I am so stoked to get back to school, get a little break from the baby, and do something for me! I also plan on volunteering in the Vet Clinic at the animal shelter to get even more experience on top of my schooling. This is what I want to do with my life and I regret not doing it earlier. It's going to be hard now that I have a child but I know I can do it and make it work. I have to. For me and for Ripley. 


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