Monday, June 16, 2014

Having a baby is the scariest thing I will ever do

Having a baby grow in me is the most stressful thing I think I will ever endure. There are so many what ifs and you are responsible for keeping this little thing healthy while it grows inside you. I am constantly paranoid that something is wrong. My lack of weight gain, the fact that I am not showing at all, and my less than perfect healthy diet lead to these fears. 
Last week I had my first ultrasound to determine the gender and make sure everything is looking good anatomy wise. Husband is still at school so I went alone which sucked but C'est la Vie. My ultrasound tech pointed out some of the anatomy but overall didn't say much and when I asked if things were normal she would say "you're Doctor will go over everything with you when you are done." I just nodded and went about watching the screen of my little blip-who is not such a blip anymore. We got some pretty adorable photos. 
Baby curled up in ball. You can see the head and leg and foot. 
Hand with pointer finger up.
 Before an ultrasound they have you drink 32oz of water 45min before your appointment to fill your bladder to help get a clearer image. This was so uncomfortable. That 45min on top of 15min waiting at the clinic and 45 more min while they are doing the ultrasound is horrible. After the ultrasound I had to go talk to my Doctor about the results, they told me to go to the bathroom and get a pee sample while I wait to see her. Both bathrooms were taken so they made me wait 15 more min in the waiting room until it was time for my Doctor to see me. Honestly, peeing never felt so good. 
Now onto the results. Everything was good except for one potentially major thing. They found a calcium deposit on our baby's heart. The deposit alone doesn't effect the heart but it turns out that it is a soft marker for Down Syndrome. I had to fight the tears as my doctor was explaining this to me. She explained that it can be linked but it is not a strong link. I had the triple screen test done to determine my odds of having a baby with something like Downs and my result was 1 in 7,000. When you have a baby with a deposit on the heart the risk doubles to 1 in 3500. So my Doctor reassured me that even with the doubling my odds are VERY good. Plus no one in my family and no one in Jake's family has any chromosomal issues or abnormalities. Even with this news I broke down crying the second I walked out of that office building. I couldn't even drive home for 15min because I was so scared and upset. 
I hated that I had to worry that my first baby was going to be unhealthy. I hated that I had to go through that alone and that my Husband wasn't there to hug me and reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I hated that the moment I was starting to get excited about having a baby, that I didn't want to begin with, I get news like this. 
They referred me to a specialist so I could get a Level 2 Ultrasound to check for other physical markers of Down Syndrome. I had that appointment today.
A few things came up. First, it turns out that the baby has TWO calcium deposits on the heart not just one. Which raises a slightly higher red flag. However, NO other markers were found. Baby is growing normally, all baby's body parts look 100% normal. The offered to do an amino but didn't think it was necessary so I declined. The specialist Doctor I saw said she would not be worried. The deposits are not a strong enough marker to cause concern since her anatomy is normal, my blood screening was great, and we have no family history.  So I am hoping that this baby comes out happy and healthy. That's all I want. 
The ultrasound did pick up another thing unrelated to the baby's health. Turns out I have a cyst like mass on my right ovary. Not a big cause for concern since they sometimes pop up up with all the hormonal changes and usually go away after the hormones balance out after birth. So we will keep an eye on it and see what happens. 
Well this was quite a lengthy post. I will do a gender reveal post on a later date so I will end here with a cute picture of it yawning today!


  1. I wish I could disagree about this being a terrifying time, but you're so right!
    Sorry it didn't all go as well as hoped. Believe me, I understand your concern. Still waiting for my appointment next week... :/ I'm glad that everything looks good for you though!

  2. Praying everything goes well! I'm not pregnant, but the idea of growing another human is truly terrifying.

  3. Thinking of you and your little one! I can't even imagine how scary that must have been to hear all of that by yourself! I can't wait for your gender reveal post and will be keeping you in my thoughts :)

  4. I hope things are starting to calm down in your mind. I'm sure that is a pretty stressful thing to go through. Hope this week is better



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...