Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Nurse Practitioner thinks I'm Nuts

I went to the Dr. today about the problem I've been having with tingling/numbness in my body. All the Doctors were busy so they gave me an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner. She was really nice but I think she thought I was crazy. Trust me I hate going to the Doctor so I wouldn't make up symptoms like this in order to go in. She couldn't find anything wrong and just told me it's probably my body's weird way of dealing with having a parasite growing in me. Something with the hormones? So I basically just have to live with it and hope it goes away. She recommended I try a benadryl and tylenol to see if they help. Well this was my first time taking benadryl and it knocked me out! I took a very long nap when I got from after that tiny pill! Neither worked with my problem though. I have noticed that is feels better when I am up and moving around and worse when I am sitting which still makes me believe I have a pinched nerve. So I'm going to try some yoga/walking and maybe see a Chiropractor. 
While I was at the Doctor we listened to the baby's heartbeat to make sure it's not effecting it and the heartbeat was perfect. She also went through my blood work with me that I had done last time and everything was perfect and I have no sexually transmitted diseases. So comforting to know that, haha! It was also cool to finally find out my blood type which is O positive. I have always wanted to know my blood type. Don't really know why but I guess it's a useful thing to know. I still haven't gained a single pound but once again she isn't worried about that. I figure I will probably just balloon out overnight some night and wake up huge. 
Jake also left today for school and while I told myself I wouldn't cry...I did. I blame the hormones. He will be back Friday night for the weekend so I really don't have to be that upset but I just hate when he's gone. I don't do very well by myself. However, I'm glad he's off learning things! I've noticed that the day and night just drags on and on when he's not here. I feel like this day has lasted forever! 
Tonight was also heard because my puppy had another seizure. It's been a long term problem with her and the vet cannot find any reason for them. They have no pattern and they don't happen very often but I get so scared every single time. All I can do is hold her and talk to her and wait for it to pass. I wish there was more I could do. It's so hard to watch your babies go through something like that. She got through it ok and is resting now. It's easier to deal with that when the Husband is around to help and get her medication for me. 
So currently I am downloading the movie Devil's Due about an evil devil baby and I'm going to curl up with my pups and see if it's any good. 
Goodnight everyone! 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Why can't I feel my legs?

Tomorrow the Husband heads four hours away to Comm School for three months (sad face). I'll miss him terribly so but he's going to try to come back home on the weekends so it shouldn't be too horribly bad. Nothing like a deployment or anything (thank goodness). He recently switched his MOS and has been doing on the job training since then while waiting for school so it's good he will go be able to learn some new things! There is also a good chance that we will be getting orders to leave his current base after he gets back too. Which is very exciting! Not that I don't love San Diego because I do but I just want to travel and see new places. We are hoping for Maryland but you know we could end up anywhere. Or we could end up just going to the base about an hour away. You never know! 
While he is gone I am going to try my best to stay busy. We are very short staffed at work right now so I have been hand picked by my boss and her boss to get FULL TIME hours until we can get more people hired (her exact words for me getting more hours is "because you're awesome"). It's really great but it's been taking a toll on my body. I'm on my feet cleaning and walking around for 40 hours a week. I come home and my feet are so sore I instantly have to sit down. My lower back has been so bad that I've been taking a hour long bath every day which doesn't even help that much. I feel absolutely miserable some days but it's all worth it since I really do love my job and how rewarding it is. 
Aside from work I have also taken up the hobby of cross stitching. It's actually really fun and I found AWESOME patterns at Cloudsfactory! I have already bought one of the Lion King characters, all the Doctors from Doctor Who, Ghostbusters, and an alphabet of popular horror movie killers. Cross Stitching actually takes a lot of time to do so it helps me stay busy. 
I also have one more test to take for my Dog Training certification and I start my internship on May 10th at the local Pit Bull rescue! I am sooo excited! I also have to get going on my required 100 hours of volunteering I have to do teaching basic obedience to shelter dogs. 
I also made it a goal to sign up for prenatal yoga classes to stay in shape and go for more walks around the neighborhood.
If you stuck with me this long you are probably wondering what the title of this post means. Well I have to go into the Doctor tomorrow because for the last 3 days I have been having a numbing/tingling feeling through my whole body that's very uncomfortable and borderline painful. It's worse around my stomach and legs/feet. Every time I touch something it's like being pricked with needles...like when your foot is falling asleep and all the blood rushed back into it. I have NO idea what happened. I seriously just woke up like this on Saturday which makes me think I have a pinched nerve or something in my back. I sleep in really weird positions with my back twisted and I have been having such bad back pain from work so we shall see what the doctor says. I'm hoping it's nothing serious. I asked my lady Dr about it on the phone today and since I have no other symptoms (like things associated with gestational diabetes) she can't think of a reason for it so I was set up with an appointment tomorrow to make sure the baby is ok and she will probably refer me somewhere like a chiropractor (which is fine with me since I am in dire need of an adjustment and anything to get rid of this feeling I have!) Only problem is I work all day for the rest of the week so getting into a chiropractor will be next to impossible unless they have night hours. I'm going to try and stay positive though! 
Thanks for reading along! 
Until next time, 

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I just want an Apology. Is that too much to ask?

Telling my parents I was pregnant was nerve wracking and something I absolutely didn't want to do. My whole life has been spent trying to make them proud of me. Constantly living in my older brother's perfect shadow was the reason for this. I got straight A's in school all the way through college. I never did anything bad. I was, in my eyes, a great kid that any parent should be proud of. I never got a "I'm proud of you." 
When I met my Husband and got engaged they thought I was being stupid and making a mistake. When I moved away I hardly heard from anyone anymore. That's when I really realized my mom has separation issues or something. She would always make me feel guilty for leaving. Like I was supposed to live my entire life in her house so she wouldn't feel alone. Which I never understood because my three younger siblings still live there, my dad, and her mom (my grandma). She did the exact same thing to my older brother. Making him feel guilty for getting married and starting a life. This was why I didn't want to tell my mom about the baby. I told Jake before we sent out the announcement photos "Babe, how much do you want to bet that the first thing she will do is try to make me feel guilty about this." Guess what she did? Just that! 
I got a text from her when she got the photo (yes a text she couldn't even dial my number to talk to me in person) and she asked "Are you prego?" I said "yes." and she replied with "Great now another grand kid I will never see." So I went off on her. This is her first grandchild but she is still so bitter about my older brother moving away she always says he will never bring his kid around when he has one because she is such a bad mom. NONE of us have ever called her a bad mom. But she drops that line anytime she wants someone to feel bad for her. So I went off about how she can never be happy for me no matter what I do and that I am not going to spend my time feeling guilty about this baby and that I won't let her ruin this happy moment for me. 
Well I think I failed on that part because I'm still not 100% happy without having my parents support and happiness for me. My older brother, one of my younger brothers, and my little sister were the only ones who contacted me and said congrats. My dad knows but didn't call me or anything so I don't really know how he feels about it. I mean I think I did it all the right way? I got married, we both have jobs, we have money, we are in love...when is a better time? Sure I could have waited a little longer like we planned but I still wouldn't be back in MN with my family. Would she had preferred I had a baby at 16 so I would never leave the house and completely rely on her? 
I also sent one to my grandma on my dad's side and she contacted me and said congrats and I'm not even that close to her or my two aunt's who also congratulated me. So my immediate family can't reach out and show support but family who I only saw a couple times a year who I didn't think even liked me can? I just don't get it and it really bothers me. Every single person in Jake's family has contacted us excited as hell. His mom even cried with happiness. Why can't I have that? 
My mom has sent me two birthday presents since then since it's my birthday on the 26th. One was a box my sister put a ton of adorable stuff into (for another post) and I just wished that the box also contained an apology note from my mom but it didn't.  All I need is two simple words but I don't think I will ever get them from her. She honestly thinks she didn't do anything wrong and she doesn't understand how much she hurt me. 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Is "Love" Worth It?

I have a friend who is completely blinded by love. I listen to the things she tells me about her boyfriend and their relationship and I question how the hell she can be stupid enough to put up with what she does. It makes me appreciate my marriage so much more than I already do because I have a man that would do anything for me and respects me. They started their relationship living together and his parent's trailer with them and his brother. His parents are both drug addicts, and his brother is a drug addict and alcoholic. The place was always a mess, there was never any food because they would spend all their money on drugs and there was a lot of verbal abuse.
 Eventually the parents and brother moved out to live with his grandma so my friend and her boyfriend took over the payments on the trailer and made it their own. My friend had a decent job at a group home but soon quit cause she couldn't "handle the hours." She got another job at a group home and quit again. She then went back to the previous group home and once again quit because of the hours and work.So she is not unemployed. Meanwhile her boyfriend doesn't have a job because he has an extensive criminal history. Even when he did have a job he could barely afford anything because he has three kids with other women to pay child support for. Recently he got hired for a good job but the hours were overnights so he declined the job. Like what the hell? You need to grow up and get some responsibility! Who cares if you guys don't like the hours. You need to support yourselves!
 My friend's boyfriend would buy fishing gear and cigarettes before food and he's totally mooching off my friend and taking advantage of her. A couple months ago my friend was going to go to planned parenthood to get a birth control change (thank god she's smart enough to not have kids with this guy) and she had five dollars to get gas to get there and back. Her boyfriend spent it on fishing bait instead so she couldn't go. She also called into work MULTIPLE time because she never had gas to get there! His parents have been paying their bills as well. He also has has his friends over every single day until the wee hours of the morning. 
They get NO alone time, no dates, no intimacy. What kind of relationship is that? Is it even worth it? I know for a fact I could NEVER be with a man like that. I enjoy being independent and would never rely on a man but I wouldn't 100% support one who sits around all day doing nothing, not taking jobs he should take, and spending more time with friends than me. I constantly wonder if she stays with him because she loves him or because she has no family around and no where else to go? I could never be happy in that situation and I wish I could help her! She really is a good person and she deserves so much more. I wish she could find a man that would treat her right. 
 I am so grateful for my husband! He always makes time for me, he loves going out and doing things with me, he has a steady job, he supports me no matter what whether ts be with my work or school goals. He has never been in trouble with the law either! He just wants me to be happy and that is what every woman deserves. If Jake didn't make me happy I wouldn't stay with him period. If he ever did what my friend's boyfriend does I wouldn't put up with it. I guess that's just me though! I'm glad it's not my problem and that I have the man of my dreams to come home to. =]

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Heartbeat

Yesterday I had my second Dr. Appointment. It was an exciting one because we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. At first my Doctor couldn't find it and I was getting a little nervous but then the sweet sound blared out of the monitor and it was a relief. Jake got a recording of it on his phone and posted it to facbeook with the caption "Got to hear my child's heartbeat today. "Pretty much the best day I've had in awhile." It was adorable. I love how supportive, involved, and excited he is. He is more than I am but it's cute. 
After that appointment I had to go get 6 vials of blood drawn and I cannot explain the nerves I had from that experience. The last time I had blood drawn was when I was in Kindergarten and in the hospital to have my appendix out. That experience must have traumatized me because the anxiety I felt about having a needle in my vein scared the shit out of me. Turns out it was nothing and I barely felt it. So now I know for the many other blood draws to come that I have nothing to worry about. This was the last appointment Jake will be at with me for the next 3 months since he will be going away to school for that time. I love having him there at the appointments with me and he is going to miss the one where we find out the gender but I'm grateful he will be around for the birth at least! 
This whole experience still feels so surreal. I still don't 100% believe that I'm pregnant. I have no symptoms. I haven't gained any weight. I'm not showing. I just feel like my normal self which is a good thing considering some of the horrible symptoms many women get. 
Maybe I should have taken the advice from the Gym teacher in Mean Girls. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Meet Captain Jack Harkness


We got a new addition to the family!
I'm a part of a Southern California facebook group for Chihuahua lovers. Yeah I know I'm weird. A really nice lady posted about this little guy on there. She found him as a stray, tried to find his owners for a couple weeks but couldn't. She already had two dogs of her own and couldn't have another. Jake and I talked about it and since we were already looking around for another dog, and we wanted a male, we went to go look at him. He is a total sweetheart and he gets along so well with our other two dogs. We got him last Saturday and he's always well adjusted to the family. He doesn't bark much, he is potty trained, great in a kennel, great in the car, loves people and other dogs, sleeps on the floor in his bed all night, and he doesn't mark up the house (he isn't neutered yet). He had his first vet visit today and he is estimated to be 5 years old. He got all his vaccinations, a microchip, and we scheduled his neuter for next Tuesday. We are very happy to have this little guy and we are grateful to be able to give him a forever home and prevent him from ending up in a shelter or the streets again. 

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