Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Why we are WAITING to have kids

I feel so out of place in the Military community because we do not have kids yet. I feel pressured and like an outcast as well. Our neighborhood is nothing but families, my Husband's friends have kids or are trying to have kids. While we are just having fun raising our two fur babies and having fun together. 
The other night we went out for a going away party for a guy in Jake's unit. They have a little girl and the wife was asking us if we had kids, if we are trying, when we are going to have them, etc. I felt like I was being interrogated. Is it wrong of us to not procreate until we are ready? I know a lot of people will debate me on "being ready" and say that there is never a good time to have a child. I am only 22 years old. I have only been married for 11.5 months (our one year is coming up quick!). We KNOW that were are not ready. 
There are many factors that contribute to us waiting to have kids. One is that we genuinely love the freedom we have to go out with friends, go on dates, have fun, and truly enjoy being married and being together. Next, we are facing a PCS this fall and if that happens we don't want to have to handle all that stress with a baby or a very pregnant me. Third, I just started my job not that long ago and I truly love it. Since it is a lot of work physically and I work with a lot of harmful chemicals I would have to quit if I were to become pregnant and I'm not ready to be leave there yet. In addition, I also started taking classes to be a dog trainer and I am not allowed to do my internship if I am pregnant which would mean I would have to wait to finish and I do not want to do that. 
Do I want kids someday? Absolutely. Do I sometimes get baby fever and want to try to have one now? Yes I do, but then I stop and remember all the great things about waiting. Sometimes I see families or pregnancy announcements on facebook and I get angry. I think, "How can all these people my age that I went to high school with be so stupid? How could these people be having ANOTHER child when they can barely support the ones they have? How can people bring children into this military lifestyle knowing that one of their parents' could and probably will be absent during their life at some point?" I tend to judge people for having kids and I'm starting to realize that maybe that's just jealousy running through me. Deep down am I mad that I don't have a child yet? Sometimes I do feel jealousy. Sometimes I do feel like I should be doing it because everyone else is. Is that a good enough reason to change my whole life around and put aside my goals? I don't think it is. I am a firm believer in birth control and waiting until you are in a committed relationship and stable financially. People are having kids too young and it makes me sad because many of them put aside or completely give up their goals in life. I want to see people succeed and be everything they want to be and I hate when having a family too young messes that up for them. 
All in all, I can't wait to start a family someday when my dreams have come true and we are stable, content, and well prepared to take provide for and nurture another human being. For now, we are going to enjoy date nights, having extra spending money, taking care of our fur babies, working, and spending time with friends. 

11 comments:

  1. I totally get what ur going through. I feel like I don't have a good group of friends because I don't have kids. Parents want to hang out with other parents and talk about their kids. I'm almost 29 and now pregnant with my first and I would not have done it any other way! My husband and I had so much fun together in our early twenties n it would have been totally different with a child. I think you will no when the time is right...for now have as much fun as you can!!! :)

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  2. I definitely understand where you're coming from, Miranda--it's hard being in the military without kids because literally everyone seems to have them! It's definitely a decision for each couple to make themselves though. :)

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  3. I am right there with you sister. Starting a family is not something you should rush. Take your time. Enjoy being a family of two and this honeymoon stage. No reason to wish it all away, eventually they will want those days back.

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  4. This post = my life, too. I just don't get why military folk feel compelled to get married and have kids immediately. Most of my military friends are on their second and third children. We have a cat, and we're happy with just a cat.

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  5. I really love this post! I know the feeling. We live on base and everyone in our neighborhood has children. That's all I hear all day while my husband is working. Then on top of it we have a friend who just found out she's pregnant and her and her husband are pretty much our best friends. So it's a lot of pressure sometimes. But we've decided to wait to have kids. I'm a full time online student so I want to get my education (or at least my bachelor's degree) taken care of first. Then my husband gets out of the military September 2015 and when he does, we'll be moving about an hour away and buying a home. So we want to wait until he's out and we're ready to fully settle down. Plus we have a 1 1/2 year old German Shepard and he's a pretty big handful. He's enough for now.

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  6. Right there with ya! I'm 24 and have only been married for 6 months and the first question everyone loves to ask is "what about kids". I feel I have plenty of time to get to that and in the mean time why shouldn't I be enjoying life with my husband and having the freedom to do as we want when we want! Someday there will be kids, but there's plenty of time- why rush it before you're ready!

    Danielle @ Allusional

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  7. My husband and I are 30 & 31 and we've been married 6+ years, talk about pressure. No one knows what is best for your family except for you and your spouse. It always takes us a little longer to find a group of people that are understanding and supportive of our choices but they are out there. Good luck on your journey!

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  8. I have been in the same boat since my hubby & I got married, 4 1/2 years ago! I swear it's like ppl in the military & their spouses are the most fertile ppl on the planet & they constantly push it on you when you don't have kids. You're totally right about it being like an interrogation lol they always wanna know why? when? do you want them? It's crazy town! For real though, take your time & enjoy one another, you're only 22 once! I'm almost 26 & we just found out that I'm pregnant with our first {due in September} :) Fortunately, it's perfect timing for us.. Everyone has their own "right time" & only you guys know when that should be. Good Luck!

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  9. I think it's smart to wait. We had our son at 19 and I wish we had more time to ourselves! Enjoy life!

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  10. Pretty sure I have written this exact post before. We got married at 20. We just had our first baby one month shy of our 24th birthdays (I'm three days older than my husband) and 2 months shy of our 4 year anniversary. For years we've struggled with making friends in the military cause you either have kids or you dont. Two entirely different circles. I wouldn't change a thing that we did though. You gotta do what is right for you not the "norm" of military life. You'll be happier in the end.

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  11. I think military couples tend to get married young, then have kids young. Which makes us all younger parents and lovebirds in general compared to the rest of the population. You do it on your own time!

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