Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Time Slowing Down

I feel like I am just floating day to day in a trance. It feels like forever ago that my Husband left, and it feels like forever before I get to see him again when in reality I'm just about at the 1/2 way mark. 

This waiting period seems far worse than any other long stretch of time we've been apart. I can honestly say that these past 30 days have been harder for me than his 7 month deployment. He's back home, we are now married, and I still can't see him. I still can't spend time with him and we still can't be a couple. I don't even feel married and he doesn't either. He always brings up that he hates being the only "single married guy." And I feel the same way. I feel like he's just my boyfriend again. I feel like our lives are going by without each other. I feel like we are drifting a part. All we do is text and e-mail. We don't talk on the phone and we just had our first Skype session in at least four months.  He got a nice apartment for himself that I'll be staying in too when I finally get down there. I don't think it will feel like home. A home is a place you build together and when I get there I will just be "staying with him." I hope we will be able to get base housing soon. There was an expected wait time of 6 months. We would have been able to get a house right away but I'm coming there with my two dogs and there were none open that allowed dogs. That was a deal breaker for me. I come with my dogs or I don't come at all and my husband respected that. My dogs are my kids and they will make being completely alone a little more tolerable. 

On another note, my cellphone died over the weekend. The lock button was seriously broken so I would have to push it many many times just for the screen to turn on. In order to shut the phone off you have to hold the lock button and because it was broken it would shut itself off every few minutes so it was impossible to talk or text on the darn thing. So, I stole my little brother's phone for the time being and he is not happy with me at all and either are my parents. I managed to convince by husband to go get me added to his plan so I will have an iPhone soon. God only knows when it will get here. I'm just grateful that I was able to steal my brothers for the week. I could live without my phone. I don't really talk to many people on it anyway but I hate driving without one. My car hasn't been in the best of health, there are deer EVERYWHERE on the route I take to work, and I come home very late some nights. I've seen far too many horror movies to leave the house without a cellphone! RIP Samsung Galaxy S 2. It was nice knowing you. 

On a much better note. I graduate in 34 days! This is both extremely exciting and extremely scary! I'm going to be an adult, out of school, forced to enter the big scary world of a full-time job and bills. I love mostly everything about school. I have always been very good at it, an overachiever you could say, and I am proud of myself for accomplishing a Bachelor's degree! While I would love to someday go off to Graduate school I don't see it happening any time soon. I have to pick up my life and start over in a new place and I've come to terms with the fact that I may have got my degree in a field I am no longer passionate about. So instead of a Master's degree I may return to school to get a degree in something I really love instead but we will just have to wait and see what happens. I also put in my 3 weeks notice at my job. I enjoy my job, the clients, and the people I work with, and I have learned so many great things but I am ready to start over and partake in a new adventure. So my last day of work with be April 26th, which happens to be my 22nd second birthday so I will be celebrating for more than one reason that night! The two weeks following my last day of work will be spent packing and getting all my shit together for graduation and moving. 

To keep myself occupied I've been spending a lot of my time with my bestest friend Lisa.

She is currently going through a nasty break up and I've been keeping her company and trying to find her a nice apartment to move to. I feel horrible for her and I wish there was more I could do. I went through a pretty bad break up before and I can relate to what she is going through. I wouldn't wish that emotional pain on anyone. That whole situation with her is just bad timing. I would love to get an apartment with her and be her roommate. I've gone all through college living at home and I regret it every day. I want to be able to live with my friend and live up my youth while I have the chance but that chance has come and gone. I'd like to think that I live my life with no regrets but I think my experience in college will be one I regret.  

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