My wedding is in 50 days!
I'm nervous and excited at the same time and it all seems so surreal to me. I'm trying to cram everything into a short amount of time. Yesterday I went out and got my dress, sash, shoes, accessories, champagne flutes, cake serving utensils, and water beads to go inside the champagne flute stand.
I'm also working on the invites, but I need to work out a few more details before I can order them. I think I have decided on a cake idea as well. My inspiration is below. I want it purple with that design but with teal ribbon and no flowers.
Planning all of this without Jake really sucks. I went to register at Target last night and it sucked not having him there to help and offer input. I like to do things as a team since this is about both of us not just me. I'm stressing out about it. Money is also becoming an issue. Originally I didn't think we were going to make this wedding so big. I thought we were just going to go down to the courthouse, do our thing, then have a SMALL family dinner. Now I have to buy all this other stuff, such as the cake, nice dress, guest book, invites, flutes, decorations, booze. I am happy that Jake's family is taking care of the dinner but I'm already racking up my credit card again, that I just paid off, and my savings is diminishing. I needed that savings to prepare for when I move. So I'm not bumming off Jake, but I guess I will have to be that wife who lives off a man. Which I didn't want. I hope I find a job fast so I can be independent. I think it would have been better to stick with our original plan: having a low key thing this time then have a big thing later in life, one that we planned together, but that's obviously not going to happen. This isn't what I wanted but I'll go with it because it's what Jake wants. I thought planning a wedding would be fun, but it's the complete opposite. It's stressful, lonely, and frustrating doing it all by myself.
I'm also upset because I have no support from my family. They all think I am making a big mistake and they won't help me with anything. They won't help me with my decisions or with anything financially. They don't know Jake at all and they don't feel like I know him well enough to marry him. It hurts a lot to not have any support or help from my family. They can't even pretend to be happy for me. I doubt many people from my family will even show up. So this family dinner will be all Jake's family and I am going to be extremely uncomfortable and a wedding shouldn't be like that.
I am thankful to have my friend Devon and her family. She has been here for me every step of the way and I am blessed to have her in my life. It has really opened my eyes to who my true friends are. Her family is also very supportive which is awesome.
I just want this all to be over. I want to marry my best friend and call it that. That is all I care about .