Sunday, December 16, 2012

Stay Strong

I'm constantly hearing the words "Stay Strong" from people in my life, and other military SOs that I chat with on Twitter and other blogs. Staying strong is really damn hard. It's hard to go on twitter and read other MilSO's blogs when they are reporting getting their homecomings and you are sitting at home still waiting to get yours. It's hard to stay strong when you see pictures of the wives jumping into their husbands arms as they welcome them home and knowing that you won't be able to do that because you live too far away from where he does. It's hard to stay strong when you need a shoulder to cry on and someone to hug but no one is there. It's hard to stay strong when you will be utterly and completely alone on your 1-year-anniversary and every important Holiday. It's hard to stay strong when you see cute couples posting pictures all over Facebook of the fun things they get to do together when you get none of that with the person you love. No memories being made, no date nights, no time spent together at all. It's hard to stay strong when you are so used to being alone that you feel like nothing is ever going to change and nothing is ever going to get better. It's hard to stay strong when you are talking about your future together and how happy you think you will be but knowing you have to wait another 7 months before any of it can happen. It's hard to stay strong when all you think about is spending time with someone you can't spend time with. It's hard to stay strong when your fiance' is having a shitty time and you are worthless and can't do anything to help. It's hard to stay strong when your whole relationships is nothing but  the phrases: "goodbye," "I wish," and "someday." It's hard to stay strong when someone has become the key to your happiness so you can never feel happy with them gone. It's hard to stay strong when you are engaged and can't appreciate nor experience the happiness, joy, and excitement of having a fiance'. It's hard to stay strong when you try to explain things about your fiance' to the important people in your life and no one has ever met him or knows anything about him so they don't understand. It's hard to stay strong when every time you go out with your friends you are the third-wheel. It's hard to stay strong when all the radio plays is depressing love songs that makes you think of him. Each and every day it gets harder and harder to stay strong. Harder and harder to keep on waiting. Harder and harder to listen to everyone telling me it will all be worth it. 

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