“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell
Up until 7 months ago I had my whole life planned out. I was going to move up to St. Cloud with my boyfriend of 3 years, I was going to finish my last year of college at St. Cloud State. The following fall we were going to move out of state so I could get my Masters degree in Forensic Psychology. I was going to get married as soon as I finished and begin a family shortly after. Back then I had no doubts, no fear of what was to come. Once my relationship came to a sudden and unexpected end I felt like I would never amount to anything. I actually believed that I needed a "boy" to make me happy and to make my life complete. After the break up I was heartbroken, mostly because I never got a reason why it ended in the first place. Of course I felt like it was all my fault, that I did something wrong. My self esteem went down to nothing and I began pulling away from my family and friends. Suddenly I was facing the question "Now what am I going to do with my life?" I couldn't afford to move out and get an apartment on my own, and not long after I began questioning what I really wanted to do with my life. I had lost my best friend and I felt so alone. A few weeks after my breakup I realized that I wasn't going to let this tear me down. I got my closure when I called my ex a few days after our break up. I was sobbing, spilling my heart and soul, telling him that I could change and that we could make this work. I begged and begged for a second chance and what did he say to me? "Oh you will be fine. It will all be ok." Three years of my life with this boy and that's all I got as a reply. As soon as I hung up that phone I was ready to move on. All at once I saw how parasitic and unhealthy that relationship was. I shouldn't have to tell someone I will change in order to keep them in my life. I deserve a man that will love me for me. My crazy, loving, shy, Poke'mon adoring, zombie killing, dedicated, quirky, nerdy self. I'm not ashamed of who I am, and I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. My sorority sisters made me realize that I really am a strong independent woman. I'm not the first person is the world to lose someone I loved. I was a 20-year-old college junior with an amazing support system and I didn't need a boy to be happy. The moment I realized this was the moment my life changed. Now single, I began enjoying the college life. I spent more time focusing on my school work and more time out with friends. I no longer had to report where I was all the time or worry about someone getting mad at me for going out with friends and having a good time. I felt free, like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I was fearful of getting rid of the life I had planned out so intricately, but not long after my breakup I began talking with someone who I believe holds the key to the life that is waiting for me.